Canadian Bakin'
Canadian bakin’ (and cookin’, gardenin’, and mushroom huntin’) is just some of what’s in store for The Renaissance Garden Guy and my wife Ann and me as we start our life together here in Bridge Lake, British Columbia, smack dab in the wild heart of the Cariboo Region.
By John G. Stamos
The Renaissance Garden Guy Newsletter, which goes out monthly to RGG subscribers, has proven itself to be sort of a minor league bully pulpit for yours truly in my role as The RGG’s (now) co-publisher. In it, I’m able to point out lapses in publishing efficacy whenever they might occur, and simultaneously perform root cause analyses by blaming those lapses on personal details surrounding life in The RGG microcosm. A particularly salient example of these disrupting details is the fact that my wife Ann and I recently got married. It’s possible that RGG readers and subscribers who happen to read my own stuff here know something about this fact and its corresponding implications. (For a look back at the details, you can refer to the November issue of The RGG Newsletter, or read “The Renaissance Garden Guy and Gal,” published here last month. Either or both will bring you up to speed on the sitch.) If you don’t know the specifics and/or you’re not up for backtracking for the story, the resulting upshot is this: Ann and I will be living in Bridge Lake, British Columbia, Canada, in the heart of that westernmost province’s Cariboo Region, and we’ll be operating The Renaissance Garden Guy from there.
Big changes for the publication? Check. For yours truly personally? Right again.
Since everything RGG – and I mean everything – is relocating to Bridge Lake, impacts on work, play, and all things throughout and in between, are inevitable. For Ann, who’s been a British Columbian her whole life, the only adjustment is going to be dealing with me. Don’t for a second think that I’m minimizing the magnitude of the coping Ann will be facing: maintaining equanimity against the backdrop of my extensive roster of annoying antics and personal peccadilloes won’t be a walk in the park (if you’ve ever experienced an oral abscess, or maybe hemorrhoids, you’ll understand Ann’s impending challenges – they’ll be acute, but at least they’ll be localized). The changes that I personally, and The Renaissance Garden Guy as a publication and brand, will be experiencing are more extensively encompassing and panoramic. It’s clear to me that adjustments will need to be made.
I’ll need, for example, to accustom myself to the profound sense of tranquility and, yes, even dominion, arising from the fact that our home is situated on sixteen acres of pristine Cariboo frontier land, unspoiled by the trappings of a nonexistent irritating human populace. All that sovereignty? That kind of thing can really go to your head, right? Maybe start stirring up thoughts of imperialism. Not good. And what about the unblemished, nearly limitless biodiversity of the place, and its verdant, pulsing natural history? I’ll be dizzy from all the trenchant head-spinning (hope the motion sickness doesn’t make me puke). And, after shoveling warmed-over processed cheese and McDonald’s french fries down my pie hole day after day and year after year as a kitchen-ignorant bachelor here in Michiana Shores, how can I ever expect my digestive tract to become inured to the gourmet-level home cooking and baking it’ll be subjected to on a continual basis once I find myself permanently set up in the new Bridge Lake homestead?
See what I mean? It’s gonna be a bitch. But hey, who said life was fair?
Alright, girls and boys, now it’s back to reality…
The new scene in Bridge Lake marks a drastic improvement in terms of both The Renaissance Garden Guy publishing paradigm, and, much more importantly (at least as far as I’m concerned), my personal happiness. All things with regard to each – and I do mean all things – will be changing for the incalculably better. I’m convinced I couldn’t even come close to being able to list every single thing about the move to Bridge Lake that’ll be better than I can possibly describe, though I sure can try. But because you’d want to slap me for laying the “I’m so happy I could just shit” state of euphoria on you by the time I got to about the three thousandth item, I definitely won’t. What I will do is give you my Top 10 list. These are the changes – for the better – that I think best typify the new living and publishing scene in Bridge Lake. Pay close attention to the fact that seven of the ten ticks are augmented by my wife’s remarkable photography. The shots are breathtaking, and they speak truth to power a hell of a lot more effectively than I ever could. So, sports fans, here you go…
1. Ann Simpson-Stamos as Co-Publisher of The RGG Will Increase Publishing Efficiency, Output, and Variety while Improving Overall Brand Exposure
Although Ann has been an RGG contributor for a number of years, and she’s been my business partner and The RGG’s co-publisher for several months now, it’s this forthcoming proximity of our – Ann’s and mine – working dynamic that will result in exponentially greater content publishing and brand distribution. By Ann’s having in-person, real time access and input to the publication’s (and brand’s) overall dynamic, she’ll be able to much more effectively utilize not only her peerless, decades-long upper-echelon business management pedigree to maximize output and efficiency, her creativity and formidable writing skills themselves will result in invaluable contributions to The RGG’s written content cache. As for the benefits that will accrue to me personally of having Ann on board in her in-the-same-office-space capacity… What can I tell you? She’s easy on the eyes.
2. Unspoiled Surroundings
The land of The RGG’s new home can be perfectly described as God’s Country. It’s North American nature at its most beautiful, adorned in its most breathtaking finery. Fauna, flora, and fungi alike exist there in a staggering, nearly limitless array of diversity. Mr. and Mrs. RGG (as the late, great J.D. King once called Ann and me) will doubtless find plenty to write about, and The RGG’s The Natural World, Gardening and Garden Design, and Garden Construction and Hardscape topical categories will swell with new, Cariboo-centric articles. My own gardening pieces will incorporate new triumphs, trials, and errors as the drama of learning to grow cultivated plants in Hardiness Zone 4A unfolds. Further, since we’ve got sixteen acres of our own natural buffer surrounding the publication’s new home office, plus acre upon acre of uninhabited land beyond these expansive metes and bounds, Ann and I will be assured of complete freedom from “civilized world” distraction while we’re working. Also, it’ll be unlikely that I personally will ever find myself choking the shit out of some moronic out-of-state second-home owner or idiotic vacationer. So, there’s that, too.
3. Mushrooms!!! (And Other Fungi)
Ann’s wheelhouse. My wife, known on X (the former Twitter) as Ann in Bridge Lake, is not only an extremely talented writer, she’s a massively-skilled mycologist and relentless researcher. Her knowledge of fungi is encyclopedic, her research skills are unparalleled, and her photography of the beautifully surreal subjects she studies is breathtaking. Already, a number of her excellent articles populate The RGG’s The Natural World archives, and her fascinating interview of 2022 highlights her mycological expertise, her knowledge of Bridge Lake’s terrain and natural history, and her photography skills. Ann’s mycology-themed articles will continue as a mainstay of The RGG’s publishing gestalt, and their frequency will increase dramatically as Ann’s database of study subjects expands. Here in Bridge Lake, there is fungus among us, and it reigns supreme in Ann’s natural history repertoire and looms large in her camera’s viewfinder. Stay tuned, mushroom fans, because in the coming months, Ann in Bridge Lake is gonna deliver in a big way. The spores are in the wind…
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4. Gardening in Bridge Lake
The more things change, the more they stay the same… Bridge Lake, BC, particularly the plot of ground where we’ll be gardening (and subsequently writing about it) is located in Hardiness Zone 4A. Since the original RGG garden in Michiana Shores straddles Hardiness Zones 5B and 6A, there are going to be some serious changes to both the types and number of the perennials we’ll be able to grow on the Bridge Lake plot. Many of the cultivated plants I grew successfully in Michiana Shores don’t have the cold hardiness to survive the frigid Cariboo Region winters, so serious adjustments to the perennial roster are going to be in order. Another major change comes in the form of the gardening operations and overall land management capabilities of Ann’s dad, Brian Simpson. The man is eighty-eight, but works like a strapping 20-year-old. Brian maintains the property’s acreage, and maintains a sizable fruit and vegetable garden of his own on the land. Working to maintain the property and grow a garden alongside my father-in-law is going to not only be a welcome change, but an honor, as well. One thing that won’t change is the amount of work that will go into maintaining this property. My father-in-law’s standards are high, and I mean to help him maintain them. Another immutable fact is that, although garden plants are by no means considered sentient beings by the scientific community, each and every one of them definitely has a mind of its own. Below are some amazing shots of the flowers that can hang in the Bridge Lake Zone 4 cold.
5. Canadian Bakin'
After years of eating countless boxes worth of stale, deep-fried Dunkin’ Donuts and package after package of wax-like Hostess Ding Dongs, I encounter the dawning of a new era upon my arrival in Bridge Lake. It’s The Age of Just Desserts, and its architect, proponent, and promulgator is my mother-in-law, Eleanor Josephine Simpson. Jo, to her friends and loved ones, is a baker and culinarian of gourmet caliber. Her longstanding skills in both confection and cuisine execution ensure that, for me, the days of scraping my kitchen cabinet shelves for poorly sealed, half-empty boxes of petrified Chips A-goddamn-hoy! chocolate chip cookies are over. Instead, hot homemade banana muffins and cinnamon rolls, infused with fabled ingredients undreamed of in my former world, will assail my senses and quell the unholy, unbridled yearning for pastry that has pulsed within me for as long as I can remember. Angel food cake, slathered in my mother-in-law’s homemade orange glaze and (my father-in-law’s homegrown) raspberries, beckons with its siren song, and I, powerless to resist, am impelled to devour it. Jo’s homemade Saskatoon berry jam adorns her lovingly crafted, confectionary, concupiscence-cultivating creations. It’s like this, folks: Jo Simpson knows how to bake the stuff, and I know how to eat it. America might run on Dunkin’, but The Renaissance Garden Guy runs on Canadian bakin’.
6. Canadian Cookin’: The Culinary Arts in Bridge Lake
Not only is my mother-in-law an excellent cook, her daughter, my wife Ann, is, too. Individually and together, these women have got the culinary goods. They make things from scratch, and they use their own recipes. Whether one or the other is preparing an original creation of her own, or they’re collaborating on a joint masterpiece, whether it’s Asian, German, Mexican, Italian, or good old down home Canadian-American fare, whatever the style, the results are bellissima!
So, how does Ann’s and her mom’s culinary artistry translate into high-octane go-juice for The Renaissance Garden Guy as a publication and brand? Great cooking is good for the heart as well as the soul, and its consumption is critical for proper neurological function. As far as my part in the matter is concerned, since I’ll regularly be feasting on all this amazing food, my shitty personal attitude will be improving straightaway and my dormant brain cells should be experiencing viable neurochemical activity any day now. As a result, I might actually write something good for a change. For the other part of The RGG overall fine cuisine-fueled performance picture – Ann’s part – since she’s been eating the good stuff all along, Ann’s can-do attitude and fully functioning cerebral cortex assures acutely impactful contributions. As fine cooking and resultant great eating goes, so goes The Renaissance Garden Guy. It’s science.
7. Bridge Lake Native Wildflowers
All of the wildflowers in the photos below, as well as many more not pictured, are native to both Bridge Lake and Michiana Shores. The difference in their proliferation between the two locations, however, is extensive. In Michiana Shores, the human population density is substantial. Much of the natural habitat of these beautiful native wildflowers has been eradicated in Michiana Shores in order to accommodate residential and commercial real estate development. But in Bridge Lake, the situation couldn’t be more different. On the sixteen acres comprising our property, and throughout the surrounding land, the natural habitat of these beautiful wildflowers remains intact and pristine. The sheer number and diversity of native plants that remain readily within Ann’s and my daily line of sight is staggering. The opportunites to write about and photograph them are limitless. Correspondence with an array of talented botanists and enthusiasts who study and love them will be invited, and The RGG, as a publication, will provide an excellent platform for native wildflower-specific articles and photographs. And of course, in real time, Ann, her parents, and I will remain vigilant and will work tirelessly to preserve the habitat and ecosystem in which these lovely native flowers flourish.
8. Bridge Lake Entomology: Little Critters
Insects and spiders are among the taxonomic kingdom Animalia’s most fascinating life-forms. And there are varieties aplenty in Bridge Lake. Though there’s probably a substantial degree of overlap among those found there and those found in Michiana Shores, shrinking habitat in the latter location, as in the case of native wildflowers (as discussed), has made it difficult to observe and identify them through casual observation. In Bridge Lake, the presence, and subsequent observation, study, and photography of a massive variety of spiders and insects is assured. Fortunately, Ann is a passionate and highly skilled entomological researcher. The combination of the staggering variety of study subjects, and Ann’s knowledge and enthusiasm (and amazing photography) guarantees that interested RGG readers and subscribers will find excellent articles, packed with great information and breathtaking photography, right here in The RGG, throughout the months and years to come.
Note: In her excellent “What Happens in the Hayfield Stays in the Hayfield,” Ann’s knowledge base and photography skill combine with an ethos that connects her very poignantly to her entomological subject to create a fascinating, beautifully written, almost elegiac work that transports as beautifully as it informs.
9/10. My In-laws and My Wife
I’m fortunate as hell to have a family like Ann’s as my own. Jo and Brian Simpson are fine people who’ve worked hard their entire lives and who’ve raised a remarkable daughter. I’ll never forget their welcoming kindness and generosity toward me, and I’ll always love them for it and for many, many more reasons, as well. They’re my mother-in-law and my father-in-law, and I’ll love them always and respect them as I would my own mother and father.
My wife Ann… simply put, she just makes everything better. Everything. And I love her like crazy.
How can life – whether on the work front or on the personal – not be looking up?
Cheers, and Happy Gardening!
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Those are ten great reasons, but Ann is Number One! God bless you both as you begin this wonderful adventure together.
Thank you so much, Kevin… such lovely, heartfelt thoughts and wishes. Ann and I are very, very grateful to you, Kevin. Thank you once again.
John, I’ve told you over and over again how thrilled I am that you and Ann have found one another. I’m so happy and excited for you both. What an exciting adventure for you, brother! PS… I’ll need your new address so I can get the bear spray shipped! 😉
Haha! Bears! Geez, I almost forgot about that terrifying threat! But living amongst apex predators is worth the risk because I really dig my groovy wife, and I’m honored to have been so warmly welcomed by her wonderful parents. Thank you for your kind thoughts and wishes, sis, and thanks for reading the piece. I’m a very, very lucky man to have Ann and her family in my life, and to have you as my sister. Love ya.
John, your life has improved exponentially since your wife and in-laws have become such an important part of it. You are fortunate to have them and they are fortunate to have you. What a beautiful and wonderful adventure you are embarking on.
Thank you so very much, Rick, for your kind and lovely thoughts and words. They also happen to be very true. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve my amazing spouse and her wonderful parents. My life has indeed improved exponentially now that Ann and her mom and dad are in it. And once again, Rick, I thank you always for your lovely kindness and thoughtfulness. I’m very, very grateful.
So many wonderful things to enjoy reading about here. I skimmed through once, but will have another leisurely read to enjoy it all again later! I’m a big fan of the baking and cooking talents noted here!
Thanks so much for reading this one, Lisa, and for your very kind words. I’ve got to agree with you about those cooking and baking talents. Ann’s mom is an amazing baker and cook, and Ann herself is an awesome cook, too. These particular abilities resonate quite profoundly with a gourmand (glutton is probably a better word) like me. But really, for me, the big picture is how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life, and to have Ann as my wife. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve such wondrous gifts. Thanks once again, Lisa. I’m so happy you like the piece.