Take 2 Glazed Doughnuts and Call Me in the Morning

Take 2 Glazed Doughnuts (and an A1C Pill) and Call Me in the Morning

Take 2 Glazed Doughnuts (and an A1C Pill) and Call Me in the Morning

Overeating is fun, and it’s easy to do!  Stroke?  Heart disease?  Diabetes?  Nonsense!  Live it up, have a pill, take 2 glazed doughnuts, and call me in the morning!

Inclusivity is all the rage these days.  Its necessity is stressed everywhere.  From laws promulgated by those elected as arbiters of our general way of life, to early childhood through post-graduate education policies, to marketing campaigns and television commercials; the need for inclusivity and its touted benefits is showing up on our plates with clockwork regularity.  Clockwork regularity?  Hell, it’s constant, entirely pervasive, and all-encompassing.  But hold on folks.  I’m not here today to bitch about the Doctrine of Inclusivity (or any of its real and/or perceived benefits to society), or to applaud it, either.  Not in and of itself anyway.  You, my dear readers and subscribers, have probably noticed by now that I always keep mum about my politics.  So, nope, I’m neither celebrating nor bashing inclusivity and all of its trappings in this one.  What I am doing is exposing the use of inclusivity as a tool of obfuscation.  Particularly by one rich and powerful segment of the global economy.  Namely, big pharma.

And how is this mega-powerful, deep-pocketed, scientifically-advanced, high-IQ-powered swath of the world’s financial fabric wielding inclusivity and its multi-siloed range of ostensible benefits as a weapon of misdirection?  Ultimately, through doughnuts.  And bacon.  And cheesecake.  And french fries, milkshakes, corn dogs, and pie à la mode.

That’s right: big pharma is distracting you through eating.  Lots and lots of eating.  I shit you not.  

I make my argument based on a frequently run television commercial (you’ll see it if you watch anything on cable, where it’s sickeningly ubiquitous) advertising a particular diabetes medicine manufactured by a particular gigantic pharmaceutical company.  Both the product and its manufacturer shall remain unnamed here.  But (assuming you’re a watcher of cable TV) once I describe the production number that these guys use to push this particular pill, you’ll know to what and to whom I’m referring.

The commercial features a young woman, extolling through Rodgers and Hammerstein-like song and dance, the virtues of a once-daily pill that lowers A1C and ultimately keeps the ravages of diabetes at bay.  Such a pill is obviously a good thing, because diabetes, just as obviously, is a bad thing.  So the product’s a great invention, and worthy of immediate and limitless availability to a demanding segment of the consuming public afflicted with this extremely serious disease.  The production continues its winning ways by embracing the ever-expanding codicils of the Doctrine of Inclusivity by featuring what appears to be a racially and ethnically diverse cast.  It looks like Hispanic Americans, African Americans, Asian Americans, and Caucasian Americans are duly represented in this production.  (I use the phrases “what appears to be” and “It looks like” because I wouldn’t want to be accused of racial profiling or stereotyping.  Those things truly are as bad, or worse, than exclusivity.)  The inclusivity factor is taken to the next level by featuring in this number a representative of another group of Americans – one that’s not defined by race or ethnicity.  That group?  Overweight Americans.

Now hold on a minute.  Before anyone starts accusing me of insensitivity, or of presumption, let me lay a major fact on you concerning Overweight Americans: I myself belong to this particular segment of the American population.  In fact, I belong, curiously enough, to another group of generally marginalized Americans at the same time: Underweight Americans.  This seemingly incongruent duality is achieved by my maintenance of an enormous personal belly and jiggly man-boobs, as well as terrifyingly scrawny legs.  I wear loose, billowy shirts to hide my blubber (and embarrasing harpoon scars), and long pants to hide my two-piece extra-crispy meal.  Fat and skinny at the same time.  That’s me.  How’s that for inclusivity?  Bottom line: I’m not making fun of anybody.  I’ve got absolutely no room to talk. 

In any case, this advertising blockbuster features, as its star and central figure, an Overweight American.  Yep.  The aforementioned songbird cum pitch-woman definitely belongs in this group.  This corpulent song and dance dynamo twirls and shakes and shimmies her way across the screen while wearing decidely non-slimming outfits and belting out a catchy showtune with lyrics written by marketing agents skilled at incorporating the message of the pill’s effectiveness into the toe-tapping cadence and lighthearted lyrics of our hefty heroine’s aria.  All the while, gleeful faux-onlookers, faux-assistants, and faux-production personnel grin like idiots in thrall to the star’s personal (and gravitational) magnetism.  

Man, what a number!  Inclusivity at every possible level (evidently, even the star’s dietary habits are inclusive!), a super-effective pill that lowers A1C, great songwriting and choreography that’s beautifully performed by the star of the show.  And did I mention the inclusivity factor?  Wow!  This baby’s got it all. 

Including a sinister, underhanded message.

What this company is telling viewers, as filtered through the hazy layers of glitzy, gauzy costuming, Broadway-esque pancake make-up, backlot bamboozling, and of course, inclusivity, is that it’s A-OK to eat whatever you want (How do you think the plus-sized star attained her heroic proportions?), even if you do have blood sugar issues.  “It’s absolutely fine and dandy to pig out because there’s a pill you can take to rein in that pesky diabetes.  Look at our star, lugging herself around the set like a slow planet circling an unseen sun, her own comparatively tiny moons busily in happy orbit around her cheerful, medication-induced non-diabetic, rotational mass.  Just look at how happy – and healthy – everyone is!”  That’s the message.  Oh yeah, baby, that’s the message.  Contrary to virtually every single existing documented medical opinion regarding diabetes’ underlying causes, that is this company’s effin’ message.  Makes sense.  Because, what’s not part of the message – at least it’s not the obvious part – is this: “The more junk you eat, the fatter you’re gonna get, and the higher your risk of running into blood sugar issues.  Then you’re really gonna need this pill.  And the pill’s gonna cost you.  At least it’s gonna cost somebody.”  This part of the message is the ingenious part.  The subliminal part.  When I told you earlier that these guys have high IQs, I wasn’t kidding.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I DO think that it’s an absolute imperative to NEVER intentionally exclude someone based on their race, ethnicity, body type, or any other immaterial or irrelevant factor.  I believe everyone needs to be in on the plan, whatever that plan may be.  In this way, I know, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that inclusivity is not only a good thing, it’s an absolutely essential thing.  What I don’t think is a good thing is someone, or some group, profiting (enormously, in this particular case) by misleading people – specifically by using inclusivity as a distraction – and not only enabling them, but actually encouraging them, to make potentially disastrous and life-threatening decisions regarding their health and well-being.  In the case of this televison ad, the Doctrine of Inclusivity is being used as a weapon of obfuscation – a weapon wielded in irresponsible, sneaky, dangerous, and undoubtedly profitable fashion.  Man, these guys are smart.

So I’m tellin’ ya, my own man-boobs notwithstanding, lay off the frickin’ doughnuts!

Cheers, and Happy Gardening!

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12 thoughts on “Take 2 Glazed Doughnuts (and an A1C Pill) and Call Me in the Morning”

    1. Thanks, Roxxy. I’m glad you’re able to see through the bullshit that these companies are slinging. At some point, I do hope that consumers will wise up and realize that there are no miracle cures, and no magic bullets. A little discipline coupled with a moderate dose of discretion goes a very long way. Thanks for reading the piece, Roxxy, and thank you for commenting.

    1. It’s really a rotten, underhanded commercial. These giant companies, and their marketing/advertising agents, have gone a long way in recent years toward herding (and I use the term “herd” for a reason) consumers en masse into the slipstream of pop culture/political correctness, and as a result have elicited from them some of the poorest broad-spectrum decision-making in history. I hope people will wake up and realize that they’re being duped. Thank you for reading the piece, Thea Becky, and thank you for commenting.

  1. Sadly, as a nation, we have not invested in what will really make a difference. As a Registered Dietitian I have been forced to practice within the constraints of big pharma and special interest lobbyists. I work in dialysis where we treat a lot of people who didn’t lay off the donuts and instead counted on their doctor to ‘fix’ them each step of their ill chosen journey. Now, when we can no longer ‘fix’ we treat, keeping people alive so they can continue to make bad choices. At whose expense? Obviously this is not every dialysis patient as there are many reasons people’s kidneys fail. It’s why I still work in the field. The commercial emphasizes a significant portion of the population, however. I feel and share your frustration.
    But here I am a cancer patient with a list of foods I should eat to improve my chances and minimize complications. Do I do it? SMH

    1. Profit at the expense of what’s right: this is far beyond a serious issue. Unfortunately, consumers/patients have bent to the will of these massive companies/groups and their cunning marketing agents and have become inured to the murky culture and polluted messages promulgated by these amoral profiteers. Frightening and dangerous, for sure. Thank you for reading the piece, Cathy, and for your excellent analysis, as well.

    1. Thanks for reading it, Rick. I’m sort of halfway tongue-in-cheek and three-quarters of the way serious about this crap. I mean really, who do these guys think they’re fooling?

    2. Proper diet, nutrition, and exercise should be the first steps in dealing with diabetes. If this is not enough, then these new drugs should be used. Please leave the doughnuts alone!

      1. Absolutely, Kevin. You’d think that this would make perfect sense. But these giant pharmaceutical companies are out to make money and will evidently stop at nothing – including instilling in the sick a false sense of security – to make a buck. I hope people start taking their health more seriously and learn to rely less on these giant companies for easy fixes. Thanks for reading the piece, Kevin. It’s much appreciated.

    1. Oh no! I didn’t mean to make you lose your appetite, Everly! I’m sort of kidding about this, but I’m mostly serious. I hate the fact that these guys are riding the slipstream of popular opinion, hiding the obvious in plain sight, and making shitloads of money off of it. I’d applaud them for their ingenuity if it weren’t so dangerous. Unbelievable. Thanks for having a read, Everly. It’s much appreciated.

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